Wit and Irony On Demand

Ya know how you can get movies on demand, tv on demand, instant wireless internet access through a small, hand-held, device that also calls or sends texts to people in seconds? Well, I've decided that I'd like to have a bit of software programmed into that small device that could provide me with what I'd like to call "Wit On Demand." This software would hear my conversations with others, and provide me with witty responses to their quips....in seconds.

This is what typically happens to me when I converse with people who are funny:

During the conversation I think "hehehehe, that was SO FUNNY!" FIVE HOURS LATER, I think "MAN! I could have said (insert random witty comment)!"

Anyways, I hear that anyone can apply to write iPhone apps. Could someone write that one for me? Please? Thanks!

And now for the irony......

I never have any trouble coming up with irony, trust you me. To borrow the title of the Lemony Snicket series, I've had a "series of unfortunate events" lately.

Event #1 - The trunk on my dead Audi can no longer be opened with my key.

Event #2 - I waited a couple of months to call AAA to come open the trunk so I could remove my belongings from it before having it towed to the junk yard.

Event #3 - I was unaware that Salt Lake City has an ordinance stating that no one can keep a car parked in the same spot for longer than 48 hours at a time. Since my car had been in the same spot since NOVEMBER, I shouldn't have been at all surprised when it was impounded three weeks ago.

Event #4 - Two weeks ago, I lost my drivers license, something that I need when I go to the Salt Lake City impound office to get the stuff out of my car. You see, they said I don't have to pay the impound fee if I sign the car over to them. The car will then be sold at a police auction. My car. sniff sniff. It's in the slammer, to be sold to a stranger. Sigh. Okay, I'm over it!

Event #5 - I finally made it to the DMV to get a replacement license....it took 2 hours to get everything wrapped up.

Event #6 - Tonight, I put my hand into the pocket of a jacket that I don't use much, and lo and behold, there was my driver's license!

Event #7 - Tomorrow I guess I'll go get the stuff out of my car. :)

For some reason, this experience jogged my funny bone a bit. :) Oh the irony! In other news, I can't believe that February is here already. This weekend, I'm going to see "He's Just Not That Into You," which looks very very funny. Who knows, I might just post a review of it on this blog later...